Photo Friday - 'Ambushed'

I didn't get anything up again last week for "Fresh." Wow -- some odd themes recently over at Photo Friday. I wasn't sure about this week either ('Ambushed'), until I remembered I had this one that might work:

For Posterity...

As you may have noticed from my sidebar, I love movies. All kinds of movies. But if I had to choose one piece of film to have with me on a deserted island, this video would at least be on the short list.

My Dad taped this little bit of goodness off of a television program over 10 years ago. It may have been the Montreal Comedy Festival, but I wouldn't swear to it. Regardless, I got a copy of it to take with me to college and I've got to tell you, it was a real blessing. Just about any time I, or one of my friends was feeling down a bit, we'd just put this on and enjoy.

His name is Peter Gaulke and he's bizarre, funny and just plain weird at times, but he helped a few of us through college.

Ryan Prinkey was kind enough a couple of months ago to provide two links to a couple of Peter Gaulke stand-up bits that are available on youtube. According to his IMDb profile, he has done and still does a bit of writing for television and movies -- other than that, he's relatively obscure, which just makes it even funnier!

For posterity, I've transcribed the video word for word in its entirety. The full version can be found HERE. Below are a few excerpts:

**********************************************

---PETER GAULKE---
Oh thank you -- MORE!
Oh thank you
Oh thank you
One more time, for me!
Oh thank you
Oh thank you
[begins playing with pants]
Oh thank you
Oh, yes!
Oh thank you
Oh, I'm very popular here tonight
[continues playing with pants]
It's very nice to be here this evening
I'm very proud to be here; very honored
I'm very proud and honored
I'm very excited
'Excited' is the word I'm looking for -- I'm very excited.
I Love You
You know how much fun it is doing this in front of a lot of people? Ha-Ha!
You're standing on the corner; you see some old guys pants doing this; he's
not even touching them? Whoa!
Dog pops his head up? Woof!
Pants are a a man's best friend

My name's Peter Gaulke, and I'm popular!

I'm very popular -- because -- I love music,
yeah!
I once played in a five-piece rock band.
We weren't very good, though, because we all played bass.
We had a tambourine player for a while, we were kickin' ass!
He left an all-tambourine band -- they suck!
We were the best
[imitates playing bass]
Bip - BipBip - BipBipBipBip - Bip - Bip - Bip
Hit it Bob! [continues bass playing]
Bip - BipBip - Bip

[Checks belt] I put it on '4'

The most defenseless animal in the world would have to be a jellyfish --- on
dry land -- with a stick in him,
Whoa!
How many have ever been to the beach and seen jellyfish just lying there?
Right?
Just big hunks of jelly.
Just running up the beach with those big tree-trunk legs -- just snort,
snort

No -- they don't have legs -- they have little faces, though
You ever lift up that jelly? Just -- HEY!!
No -- I just made that up. That'd be great if they did, though -- little
moustache -- WHY NOT!

I think when God made jellyfish, He just went Achoo! [imitates sneezing on
hand]
[imitates flinging hands] There goes a jellyfish right there.
There goes another one -- I like that -- I made that - I make everything
around here, as a matter of fact.

He makes everything
He made my Dad --
What a mess!

Actually, my Dad taught me -- Magic! Oooooh!
[unbuttons two top buttons of shirt to reveal chest and raises collar]
[pulls small towel from prop-bag]
That's right, magic: one of the most important things you can ever learn
[pulls pants up -- higher than normal]
[puts towel in front of pants, then reveals that pants have dropped to normal
position]
[gives 'astounded' look]
No -- OK, settle down -- OK, back to your seats, OK, that's it, OK, settle
down, now
My Dad's favorite magic trick:
[imitates magic show music and theatrics]
[raises towel in front of extended arm]
[towel drops to reveal missing arm (obviously pulled inside
shirt)]
Hey!!! [astounded by 'missing' arm] [Bows to cheers]
Thank you!
Oh thank you!
Oh thank you!
I'm very popular here tonight

I'm very popular in Peru
In Peru, they consider me -- a genius
In Guatemala, reactions are rather mixed
But in Peru, they say the Guatemalans don't know what they're talking about.
In Peru, they always say, "Peter Gaulke es grande pendejo" -- Mr. Big Popular!
Because "grande" means 'Big' -- So "pendejo" must mean 'Popular!'
Oh thank you!

You know -- the reason I think I am so popular is - because -- I fear nothing
I once went skydiving
It was great! [pulls chair over]
They took me up in the airplane, preparing for my jump -- about 60,000 feet
[seemingly reacting to a scoff from audience]
That too high??
I was in the Space Shuttle! They loved me up there!
On reentry, my pants burst into flame the heat was so
intense
By
the time I hit the ground, all that was left of me was my finger
[wiggles finger and looks longingly at it]
Boy, those were the days.
It was great
[positions himself over a chair to simulate free-falling]
I was falling faster than normal because I had a chair strapped to my chest
I knew it was really gonna hurt when I landed too, because I noticed the chair
was missing those little rubber feet on the bottoms of the legs.
[stands back
up]
Actually, my parachute didn't even open -- but I was OK!
Because I landed right here [indicates shoulder/neck area, and shows
'bouncing' on that area]
See that spring action? That saved my life -- very grateful for that.

Actually, my one ambition in life is to live forever. Ya know what? So far --
So good! Yeah!
Thank you -- 100% success rate.

Actually, the one thing I've noticed that different between us and
animals...
Actually, there are a lot of differences -- like, thousands of them -- pretty
much blows my whole theory.
The one I'VE noticed -- is that animals don't care how they look.
You know, like we get a little piece of food stuck in our teeth - it's like -
"Ewww"
You know, nobody ever tells you have food in your teeth, either
Half of you probably have food in your teeth right now.
Your
friends are going -- "Don't tell them -- make them smile -- Yuk-Yuk-Yuk"
You ever get a big hunk of meat rammed in there? [points at teeth] -- just a
big hunk of beef just packed right in there - just - pork fat hanging off
right there - big pork rib bone hanging up right here [simulates feeling
curved bone sticking from teeth] Where? Here? Here? Oh no! Rib
Bone!
I had a sunflower seed - just rammed right in there - big fat one - just
honkin' bang - nobody told me it was there for like a month - just rammed
right in there
I had a big sprout coming out of it, too - right here - big sunflower right on
the end of that thing -- In the morning that thing had turned toward the sun
and just twist my neck around. Very annoying.
[simulates twisting and popping neck w/ loud cracking sound]
[imitates having a hurt neck]
No -- it's just this [shows noise-maker in hand used to make cracking sound in
mic]
Boy -- that would hurt though if that was my neck! Ha!
Big bone popping out -- what the hell? Hang a hat on that thing - WHY NOT!
Oh thank you


I've been working out -- I don't know if you can tell
[begins showing off Adam's apple] I want this to get that big

Actually, I can eat anything and not gain weight -- thank you
See, what I do is: before I eat a really huge meal, I just swallow a Hefty
trashcan liner - when I'm through eating, I just yank that thing out of there
-- You can't gain weight like that -- I'm a GENIUS!!

OK - let's start snapping those fingers now

[sets brisk tempo - snapping]
Come on, let's go
Here we go
Come on, everybody
Come on, way in the back there.
Hit It!
[music begins at slower tempo]
[stops and adjusts to music]
Sorry [continues snapping]
To the music, now - come on, everybody - yeah
I wrote this song [simple boogie-woogie piano bass line]
It goes on like this for an hour and a half
It's beautiful
OK - here we go -- ready? -- Everybody! [instructing - continues snapping with
arms in funny position]
Yeah - come on - let's go - just like this - come on everybody [audience
follows instructions]
OK - ready? Here we go now [instructing - snapping in funnier position]
Yeah! [a few audience members continue following instructions]
Look - they're doing it -- they're stupid! Look!
[instructs to one section] Yeah, just you guys, do this! [pokes self in eye]
Oww!

[Music
continues and picks up tempo]
[turns away from audience -- slips trousers down below waist, nearly to bottom
of extra-long shirt, giving the
appearance
of a very long torso and short legs]
[begins to dance to music]
Hi! I'm Torso-Man!!

**********************************************

Again, the above bits are only excerpts from the whole. Click HERE for more.

SPC - Red - #2

Merry Christmas!

More SPC -- here

SPC - Red - #1

Well, even though I ridiculed some who chose to sit out of the 'imperfection' theme in October, I then turned around and sat out the November theme, 'glam.' All I'm going to say is that an imperfection that I failed to mention in October is hypocrisy.

Regardless, November's 'glam' theme is finally over and December's theme, just in time for the Christmas holiday, is "RED RED RED."

Speaking of the Christmas holiday, sometime between now and then (hopefully), my wife, Christy, and I will experience the birth of our second child. Since the event is likely to be close to the 25th, we figured that between the Holiday-Visitors and New-Baby-Visitors, we will likely have some company along the way. Besides the unexpected visitors, Christy's mom will probably come from Michigan to stay for a little while to help out with the new baby, plus, Christy's Brother and his family are flying in from California on the evening of Christmas and will be staying here (on and off) for a few weeks. We've been doing what we can to prepare for these various visits. We've been doing various redecorating, reorganizing, cleaning, painting, installing, etc. Besides that, we had most of our Christmas shopping done before December arrived!

We received a gift certificate from a good friend to My Girlfriend's Kitchen as a Christmas gift. If you're not familiar with the concept (trust me, I wasn't), you choose 12 (or 6) meals from their menu for the month, then you go and prepare the meals using ingredients they make available, already cut, chopped, etc. using their utensils and they do the cleaning for you. You leave with your meals in baggies or pans, ready to freeze.

Christy went in November with her friend who gave her the gift certificate. We decided we would go ahead and do December too so that we would have some ready-to-make meals when baby arrives or for when we have company. This past Saturday, I went with Christy and we made our December meals together. Detailed instructions are provided at each station where each meal is assembled. Don't like an ingredient? Leave it out. Add a bit extra of something else you do like. In just a little over two hours, we had prepared our 12 meals, some split into half for smaller portions, all ready to freeze, thaw overnight, cook (again, detailed instructions are provided for preparation at home) and eat. We had a good time preparing everything together. I had a good time even though they spelled my name wrong:


More SPC here

Decisions, Decisions...

Check out my friend Randy's revival of a clever game he started a while back: This or That

As he says,

Two choices. Zero context. Infinite fun!

Don't forget to check back daily there!

This or That

Photo Friday - Stillness

Didn't get anything at all up for last week's theme, 'immature.' So there!

Finally, I'm back today with 'stillness.'

I believe I'll be participating in Self Portrait Challenge in December again, too, as time allows. Stay tuned!

Photo Friday - 'Evil' - plus a few updates

A couple of tough themes for me at Photo Friday ('Gross' last week and 'Evil' this -- the first one I've missed, I believe, since I started). For what it's worth, I'm not actually submitting this image (right) to the weekly contest (since it's clearly not a photograph taken by me), but I thought I'd go ahead and post it here, especially in light of the news story I heard yesterday morning listing C. Montgomery Burns (a/k/a 'Mr. Burns' from The Simpsons) as one of the richest fictional characters ever (second only to Oliver 'Daddy' Warbucks). An interesting list this 'Forbes Fictional Fifteen.' Other interesting characters included on the list are:
Jed Clampett (of the Beverly Hillbillies)
Mr. Monopoly
Mario (of Super Mario Bros, Donkey Kong, etc.)
and, my personal favorite:
Prince Abakaliki of Nigeria (of e-mail scam infamy)
(Click the link above for the full list)

One of my favorite 'Mr. Burns' moments doesn't really involve Mr. Burns at all, but rather, Homer pretending to be Mr. Burns. As usual, Homer fails miserably:

Homer:(affecting accent) "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."
Postal Worker: "Okay, Mr. Burns, uh, what's your first name?"
Homer: "...I don't know."
[click for audio link]

'Santa Claus' was #1 last year, but dropped entirely from the list this year, apparently because enough readers questioned his status as a 'fictional' character. Go figure! I mean, I enjoy Miracle on 34th Street (1947) as much as the next guy, but let's face facts!

While we're mingling real with fiction, anyway, here's another news story that caught my eye:
Manila stops real version of 'Snakes on a Plane'. Just when you thought SoaP news was done!


In other news, the November theme over at Self Portrait Challenge is 'Glam' and I've got nothin'! The gals over there (and a few guys, too) are doing a great job with the theme though, so check them out even though I'm not participating this month.

Films Recently Watched:

The Interpreter (2005) dir. by Sydney Pollack
In the bonus features on this DVD, Sydney Pollack does one of the best explanations of the widescreen vs. pan-n-scan issue that I've seen. It's great to see a director so passionate about the issue, showing the pan-n-scan framing, and saying to the audience, "this is not what I wanted you to see." He intended the widescreen framing and composed his shots based on that framing. I highly recommend the featurette. Oh, the movie was pretty good, too!

(Here's a youtube link to the widescreen vs. pan-n-scan featurette mentioned above.)

The Island (2005) dir. by Michael Bay

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) dir. by Guy Ritchie
Snatch (2000) dir. by Guy Ritchie
Hilarious! Not sure how I missed both of these for this long.

Fame (1980) dir. by Alan Parker
This was so different than I remember (re-mem-ba; re-mem-ba; re-mem-ba....oh, sorry about that). I think I probably mix memories of the subsequent television show with the film, though, it is entirely possible that I'd actually never seen the film at all. The film leaves LOT of loose threads hanging -- and not in the good, 'make-you-think' way. It's an ensemble cast and I think they just try to take on too many of the characters' back stories for a 2-hour film. At the end, it feels like it should have been about an hour longer, but that a lot of that extra footage hit the cutting room floor. Perhaps the television show resolves some of these plot lines. I can't remember (re-mem-ba; re-mem-ba; re-mem-ba -- FAME!!)

Happy Thanksgiving/Black Friday!

Photo Friday - 'Gross'

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To prove to the opossum that it could be done!



If you really want to see it bigger, clicking on it will show a larger version, but I really can't recommend it.

'cause it's 'gross' -- that's why!

If you enjoy the larger version, you might also enjoy some of the other entries in this week's 'gross' theme over at Photo Friday.

Hannah's Day as a Flower Girl

This past weekend, Hannah was the flower girl in the wedding of a good friend from church.

Hannah had been pretty excited about the whole ordeal. Dress shopping, shoe shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping. Hannah is all-girl, so anything involving pretty dresses and fancy decorations, etc. is right up her alley.

We actually kept her home from daycare Thursday and Friday because she seemed to be coming down with some cold symptoms and we wanted her to get some rest so that she would be ready for the rehearsal Friday night and the wedding Saturday night.

She did well at the rehearsal. She got the idea of walking down the aisle alone and then leaving with the ring bearer, who was a couple years older than Hannah and had been a ring bearer before (he seemed less than enthused to be there).

Despite the rehearsal and all the excitement, you just never know how a four-year-old girl is going to react when they're faced with the task of walking, alone, down an aisle with a couple hundred people watching her. But she did it like a pro. She marched right down the aisle and hit her mark on the stage. And she sat there for a relatively long wedding ceremony, about 45 minutes. She fidgeted a bit now and then, but that's to be expected, I guess. At one point, despite my efforts to hide, she found me in the crowd and waved. I tried to hide again, but she just kept waving. So, I waved back, and that seemed to satisfy her. I was a little concerned that since she knew where I was that she then had the option of coming to me, but she never did. Her bouquet was what mainly kept her occupied, though. It had been dropped earlier in the day and some of the flowers had popped out of it. During the ceremony, she was continually picking up the ones that had fallen out and putting them back in, which caused others to fall out, and so on. She took her place in the recessional and then in the receiving line where, I'm quite certain, she ate up all the attention lavished upon her. Some people asked me with what we bribed her to get her to sit still for the whole ceremony. God's honest truth is that we just didn't. I'm not sure that they believed me -- heck, I barely believe me! But believe this: we are very proud of how well she did.

Hannah did well with the wedding photographer, but I guess she always does for 'professional' photographers -- not so much for me, though. It was funny - for the wedding photographer, she would do exactly as told -- put your arm like this, chin down, smile, etc. -- For me, she typically did exactly the opposite of what I was asking. I don't often ask her to pose for pictures as it's not really my style. Despite her best efforts, I did manage to get a few good shots of her big day. Here's a sampling of the best I got:
(click on any picture to see a larger size)


At the reception, she was 'announced' as part of the wedding party. She came in, ate some of her food and then after the first few slow dances were over and the upbeat music started, she found her way to the dance floor was stayed there for the duration of the night. Even when she was the only one on the dance floor she was out there dancing and watching her dress sway back and forth, but most of the time there were others out there having a good time and enjoying Hannah, too. The bridesmaids were really great with her - dancing with her and holding her occasionally. There weren't many kids there, but Hannah eventually managed to find a friend who was smaller than she.



She had rested earlier in the day for a bit, but hadn't really gotten a good nap like we wanted for her, but despite that, she was out there until nearly eleven o'clock before she admitted being exhausted. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

There's no doubt, it was a great day for her and for us.

Finally, one of my favorite pictures of the day -- and it doesn't even have Hannah in it! I kind of got lucky with this panning shot at 1/4 second exposure, but I really liked how it captured the Bride and her Father walking down the aisle:


Films Recently Watched:

Sergeant York (1941) dir. by Howard Hawks

Raging Bull (1980) dir. by Martin Scorsese

A Fish Called Wanda (1988) dir. by Charles Crichton

Million Dollar Baby (2004) dir. by Clint Eastwood

Hulk (2003) dir. by Ang Lee

Panic Room (2002) dir. by David Fincher

Photo Friday - 'Light'

A pretty wide-open theme at Photo Friday this week ('Light'), so I'm posting one of my personal favorites (and currently my most 'interesting' photo on my Flickr photostream: